So many things have happened since the last time I blogged, I don't even know where to begin today's post. Most life-determining things first - I completed my uni apps, got accepted by FASS, got called up by NTU Soci for an interview + written test which I went for and performed horribly in today, waiting for Yale-NUS' reply even though it's gonna be a long shot. Thankful for the quick response from FASS, and a positive one at that, while many are still waiting for news. Screwed up my NTU written test + interview today but that doesn't matter anymore cos I made it to NUS, which has been my plan all these years - not quite living out my UK Anthro dreams but I'll gladly take my uni spot in FASS, thank you. Hoping for a positive response from Yale-NUS but that is gonna be one hell of a long shot; still the thought of possibly being able to do Anthro makes me dream and hope.

I've contented myself with the thought of FASS. And for now I'm living in this fragile bubble of contentment. And people (especially rich people) need to stop bringing up Anthro in UK to me because this bubble could burst anytime between now and for the rest of my life, unless I finally get to live out my dream and do a Master's in Anthro or something. New ambition: pursuing Social Anthro in SOAS. Or Cambridge, if I could, and follow the footsteps of Hugh Laurie my hero. Yet another new ambition I came up with: work for UNESCO!!!!! But that is Mission Impossible.

I think I live too much in my own head with all its dreams and longings and wanderlust and whatever song is in my head. I think this affects my ability to connect with people easily (in other words, I AM VERY SOCIALLY AWKWARD). I have this theory, that the one type of people I very clearly can never connect with, are practical people. But okay, the bigger picture is, I don't easily connect with people and I'm thankful for the people that I do connect with. Because such connections are rare in my sad and lonely life - and makes me convinced that I'll NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO FIND MY SOULMATE AND THEREFORE I'LL GROW UP TO A BE A LONELY CRABBY OLD HAG STUCK IN THE PAST AND AWAY FROM SOCIETY. Oh yes speaking of soulmates, Ho Kit thinks my soulmate is a 40-year-old angmoh history lecturer who loves to go exploring places like me (cos in Ho Kit's words, "only old angmoh men would be interested in the things I like" HAHAHA; like an Indiana Jones type of guy). Tweeted about this and an un-close friend from IJ agreed and added that this Indiana Jones type of guy needed to listen to indie music and will chill out at indie cafes with me. How come my life and my tendencies are so obvious to other people? What I think, is that I need a fellow dreamer. Though Charm says I need a dreamer who can also be practical and take care of me because I'm like this little girl who's unable to take care of myself. I will never understand how people understand what I need/want or what I'm like even though I don't voice these things out loud often. But for such people, I am thankful.

Went back for Funorama last last saturday and stayed there almost the whole day. Not a big fan of funfairs and I got bored within the first hour. Still, I stayed throughout and met many familiar people. Never felt out of place despite the crowds of people I didn't know; like Su Lin said, "it's like we've never left this place". And that's exactly what I felt, because I haven't known any other institution/affiliation since AC since all I've been doing after As is bumming around at home and don't belong to a job or a driving centre or a language school or a company. Still feel like I belong to AC, and I guess that's constantly the case with me - I'm forever stuck in the past.

I've been reading the same Anthro book that I've been reading since 2012 started, and it was talking about nationalism and identity. Mentioned Benedict Anderson's definition of nationalism as "an imagined community", straight out of what we learnt in SEA and made me miss SEA and excited about taking SEA in FASS. More importantly though, realised that how my favourite topics in History being Nationalism and National Unity (the precise topics everyone else hated) is proof of how I belong to Anthro. Another proof: the fact that I'm constantly people-watching. Was people-watching the other day, when I realised that old educated men in their late '50s-'60s are very interesting people. And if you ask me what I mean by "interesting", I will never know what to say. Realised that I never know how to answer questions like "Why do you like Anthro?", "Why do you like History?", "Why do you listen to indie music?", "What interests you about Soci?". Maybe I'm a boring person, maybe I don't know how to express myself, maybe I don't know enough about Anthro/History/indie music/Soci to be really interested in them. All I know is, this is what made me flunk my NTU interview and will make me flunk future interviews because I can never answer such questions. I don't know the why's or the how's, I just like and take interest in these things and why isn't that enough?

Anyway, somewhere between planning for Vienna and Eastern Europe, which failed, here's a new list of the places I'd like to visit:
1. US - San Fran (HIPPIES!!!!!), Disneyland (where I'll turn into a happy little girl), Harry Potter World, New York (watch a musical, visit Brooklyn and Bronx), Boston, Pennsylvania (visit the Amish & Mennonites), Louisiana (visit Black people and learn about voodoo and the Harlem Renaissance), Alaska
2. UK - London (visit the London Eye/St Paul's Cathedral and other churches/British Museum and other museums/markets/cafes, attend concerts, watch Arsenal play, watch a musical), Cambridge, Oxford, Manchester (OASIS), Liverpool (BEATLES + FOOTBALL), Edinburgh, attend Glastonbury
3. Paris (visit the Arc de Triomphe, Louvre and d'Orsay and other museums, Montmartre and its hippies, Notre Dame and other churches)
4. Greece - Athens (visit the Parthenon, Acropolis, the Archaeological Museum, churches, ancient ruins), Santorini
5. Italy - Rome (visit the Colosseum, Trevi Fountain, Pantheon, catacombs, obelisks, piazzas, the Vatican & St Peter's and all the other churches/basilicas and the museums, cafes and pizza and pasta), Venice (more piazzas and churches and ancient architecture, riding on a gondola through the canal, Bridge of Sighs), Milan (watch AC Milan and Inter Milan), Naples (Pompeii!!!), Florence
6. Spain - Barcelona (watch Barcelona play, shop), Madrid, Seville
7. South Africa
8. Melbourne
9. Turkey
10. The Caribbean (Jamaica, Haiti, Cuba, Guadaloupe)
11. Berlin
12. Amsterdam
13. Sweden
14. Warsaw & Krakow
15. Mexico
16. Prague
17. Belgrade
18. Sarajevo
19. Moscow & St Petersburg
20. India - Mumbai, Jodhpur/Jaipur, Chennai, Delhi, Uttar Pradesh
21. Morocco
22. Jordan
23. Tunisia
24. Israel
25. Cambodia
26. Vietnam

But the list will never stop and I will keep on wanderlusting (if the verb for wanderlust is wanderlusting).

11:16 PM;